I opened the door and looked out. There were stars and darkness. I wondered why there is darkness when there are stars? Maybe they are too far. And in their distance, too much distance is so similar to absence, the default is darkness. If there is nothing, then there is darkness. I walked out and turned around to find that the door was no more there. My door to the world has been lost. Am I engulfed in this darkness forever?
But then I do not dislike this darkness, do I? This is the same as when the eyes are closed and the mind is distanced from all thoughts. Except there are no stars then. And I certainly don't dislike that. But it was never happened that I have ever closed my eyes and distanced my mind from all thoughts and was never able to return. This is new. And I wonder if this darkness is inside me, my thoughts, their absence or outside. Or is the sense of inside and outside just an illusion and that I have just been liberated from that illusion. Liberation certainly hasn't brought me to heaven. This interestingly is more closer to the description of hell. But then I do not remember what the difference between heaven and hell was. I walked towards the stars. They vanished. Now I am in total darkness, alone. I couldn't feel my body anymore and now I feel no distinction between the engulfing darkness and and me. I am one with it. One with the universe. Thursday, May 16, 2002
